The last thing I posted last year was something about my crush. I still have a crush on him, but he has a girlfriend, now. One that isn't me. It kind of sucks, but I try not to think about it too hard. These things happen, you know? There's nothing wrong with me. I just keep trying to tell myself that I'm perfect the way I am, and he just didn't get the opportunity to experience that, which is too bad for him. I'm still sad, though, even though I kind of know it wasn't meant to be. We haven't talked about it in a really long time, and I'd like to keep it that way. I just don't understand why anyone would pick someone else over me...I know that sounds selfish. No, that is REALLY selfish. We're all human beings here, with layers and personalities and lungs and hearts, but sometimes, that's so easy to forget.
I thought it would be kind of awkward to give him the fool's gold at this point, so I ended up only giving him the pet rock. He seriously appreciated it and laughed and even seemed a little moved that I thought of him. He thanked me and gave me this hug that was, like, a real hug. You know? He gave me a serious hug, like people give to people that they love. But he doesn't love me.
I feel really dumb because I'm just sitting here and crying for no real reason at all. I guess it's because things just aren't the same anymore and I miss him and I wish he wasn't with her. I didn't realize I actually care this much. But I guess no one has to know until they find this blog, which won't happen for a while until I get mildly famous.
