Boss DJ is stuck in my head.

So today, I talked with my crush's girlfriend and him together. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought...I really thought she didn't like me at first, but she is so nice. She's kind of like me. I don't know. She's one of those people where you talk to them, and you're just like, 'how can I be mad at that?' You can't; that's the answer. It's impossible to be upset. And I was so upset that he picked her instead of me for a long time. But when she laughed at something he had said, it didn't make me sad at all. I could hear her adoration for him in her laugh. And it just made me feel so much better because it made me realize that he's happy, and that they're happy together, which makes me happy, too. And it was just a good feeling and a good moment that I playing back in my head. I just feel so much better than I did before about when I saw him. I used to feel so down after seeing him because all I could think about was the fact that he wasn't mine. But now, it's not like that anymore. And I'm so thankful. :)

Life Update

The last thing I posted last year was something about my crush. I still have a crush on him, but he has a girlfriend, now. One that isn't me. It kind of sucks, but I try not to think about it too hard. These things happen, you know? There's nothing wrong with me. I just keep trying to tell myself that I'm perfect the way I am, and he just didn't get the opportunity to experience that, which is too bad for him. I'm still sad, though, even though I kind of know it wasn't meant to be. We haven't talked about it in a really long time, and I'd like to keep it that way. I just don't understand why anyone would pick someone else over me...I know that sounds selfish. No, that is REALLY selfish. We're all human beings here, with layers and personalities and lungs and hearts, but sometimes, that's so easy to forget.
I thought it would be kind of awkward to give him the fool's gold at this point, so I ended up only giving him the pet rock. He seriously appreciated it and laughed and even seemed a little moved that I thought of him. He thanked me and gave me this hug that was, like, a real hug. You know? He gave me a serious hug, like people give to people that they love. But he doesn't love me.
I feel really dumb because I'm just sitting here and crying for no real reason at all. I guess it's because things just aren't the same anymore and I miss him and I wish he wasn't with her. I didn't realize I actually care this much. But I guess no one has to know until they find this blog, which won't happen for a while until I get mildly famous.

So, it's a Thursday early morning and I'm thinking about this new guy that I have a crush on, for some reason. Uncreatively, I'll call him SR. I think that the dumbest thing about liking someone is that you're always wondering things about them. Like, what time does he have to wake up in the morning for his job? Before he fell asleep, was he thinking about me? Has he ever masturbated to me before? Just common, normal thoughts are spiraling around in my head right now. Just some completely average thoughts, you know. Lol. But seriously, though. I do wonder these things! I wonder if other people do, too. All of these things.
I feel so relieved, telling him how I feel after only liking him for about a month or two. It's so much easier than it was with C. I was afraid of how he would react, but SR is so kind and sweet and easy to talk to, unlike C. C could be so mean sometimes, just like my dad. But SR is too nice and funny and I love being around him! :) He makes me feel comfortable and just, like. Right. You know? We have things in common and he's the perfect combination of silly and mature, which just makes sense for me. If I am with someone, I need them to be mature enough to deal with me but silly enough to understand my bizarre sense of humor. Which he does. And that makes me happy. :D Just thinking about him makes me happy and my face gets so warm! Even if we're not together forever, I feel like we wouldn't break up and it would be this whole ordeal. I feel like we could still talk, which is really nice.
Well, anyway, since I began the conversation both Tuesday and Wednesday, I think that I'll just wait for him to today. I hope he won't forget! I like talking to him; he's so interesting!