Oh, man.

I had a dream last night that I was in New York City, and I was in a group of people that either were just in a class that I had, or were a bunch of people I know. C was one of them. Just thinking about him, even just in a dream, makes my stomach feel knotted, and my heart pound really fast. I get so nervous around him. It's embarrassing... All I remember is that he was there, my friend Kier was there, and some other people from my sociology and English classes. The reason I remember it being those two classes, specifically, is because I don't have a lot of friends or friendly acquaintances in those classes. They both have a very get-in, get-out kind of vibe. Maybe it's because my Soc class is first thing in the morning - good thing I have at least one friend in it, though! She makes everything not boring. And English class is my last class every day. We don't get to talk much in it, and my crush is also in that class. I stopped sitting behind him because it literally pains me to look at him every single day. It's like he's so close, but he's so far away that I can't seem to reach him. I don't know...I wish I could explain it. Basically, what I mean is that I feel like I can't talk to him. Like I'm just not invited or even allowed, even if it's before class time. I feel like he either doesn't care or doesn't like me. Idk. We had good chemistry at the beginning of class (like, in August or September), but once I started liking him, everything just changed. Was it for the better? I don't know. I just wish it was easier to talk to him and not so painful, like I said earlier.

Anyway, back on topic. I'll write about the pain he causes me later on in this entry, perhaps. Or another time. So, there was Kier and C, and some other folks I don't quite remember. My mass communications teacher was also there, so that's strange. We were visiting a museum for something, and I don't remember what. I think it was the history of something. By the time we were done going through it, it was really late at night, and we were all leaving the museum because it was about to close. But then, I saw it: A section of the museum in dedication to John Lennon. It had this cool graphic of him on a piece of cardboard, and somewhere in smaller letters underneath, it said, "Coming in 2012."

I spazzed. In real life, I don't know very much about John Lennon, but I did learn a few things recently, and he was a pretty cool and talented guy who died too young. There's this song that my mom used to sing to me by him, called "Oh My Love." It makes me cry every time. Just thinking about it now is making me tear up. It's a very significant song to me. I only recently discovered that it was by him. So in the dream, I don't really know what it was that triggered this reaction, but I ran into the area where the construction for it was being done and tripped over something and landed on something else. C laughed at me (for some reason, this was the only time he showed up in my dream..) without even looking me in the eye, and followed the rest of our student group outside. "He must have thought I am such a fool," I remember thinking to myself. I was hurt. He didn't look at me again, even when everyone else is glancing over as they pass by. He never looks at me, and that's all I want from him. As I was looking around me at the work that they had done so far for the John Lennon project, I saw a flickering screen that I had accidentally uncovered when I tripped that had him and Yoko Ono on it doing something. Like, Yoko had just won an award and had flowers, and Lennon was happy for her. They were happy together. I looked around me, and for some reason, everything had thick, tan burlap covering them up - except the cardboard picture and the screen, of course. When I tried to get up, I accidentally ran into something else and it made a really loud noise. I couldn't figure out how to stop it, so I covered it back up and ran away. Tried to run away, I should say. I saw my mass comm teacher, and he said something to me about liking John Lennon. He was nice to me in the dream, just like he is in real life. He was the only one nice to me. I remember passing Kier at some point, and she didn't help me at all. She just watched me as I passed by.

I ran for a while, until I got to this strange place. I don't know why, but I had run past the exits that everyone was leaving from. I wanted to leave by going out of these other doors that were connected to the John Lennon project. Everything was classic black. There were these two lavendery-purple line separators, like you would see at a movie theater box office, and doors at the end of them that were also black. Above the doors in the center, there was the artsy picture of him. So I ran past Apparently, my respect for Lennon wasn't unshared. There were many teens leaving the building through these doors, too. And one started to sing, "Oh, my love, for the first time in my life, my eyes are wide open." A bunch of other people joined in, too. A straight couple, some random blonde girl and some guy with black hair. I wanted to sing, too, but I was too scared.

I ran outside, and some men in a police car offered to drive me home. I got in the car with them, and they told me to tell them how to get to my house. I kept trying to tell them my address, instead, but they wouldn't let me tell them it, even though they had a GPS system. I told them that I didn't know how to get there, and so they started driving around in circles. I got really mad, so I started screaming my address at them over and over again, and they all started yelling at me to sit down and shut up, basically, But they eventually ended up just dropping me off at some corner near an insane asylum and driving off. I was cold, lonely, and frightened. Did I mention that I didn't have my phone? Then, I woke up.